daniel tosh ( @danieltosh ) Twitter Profile

danieltosh

daniel tosh

not a doctor

beach

Joined on 20 March, 2009

http://www.danieltosh.com/

  • 20 Tweets
  • 24.9m Followers
  • 122 Following

big week for #billsmafia, first the u.s. capital, and now a playoff game!!

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on tonight's new #tosh, i uncover how us a-listers are taking your money. #celebritysidehustles

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i pay more in taxes than most trump voters make in ten lifetimes, so my opinions count more. #CoastalEliteTweet

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just remember the electoral college was set up so low-income states can feel better about their big back yards that nobody wants to visit. #CoastalEliteTweet

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you unemployed idiots aren’t owning the libs on twitter. you’re slightly annoying the teams of assistants we pay to run our twitter accounts. #CoastalEliteTweet

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i know the evangelicals don’t care about trump’s tax returns, but are you interested in his tithing record? 10% or you don’t get into heaven! #CoastalEliteTweet

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the best part of a trump presidency is not feeling bad about cutting off financial support to all my unsuccessful christian family members. #CoastalEliteTweet

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one of the biggest reasons i want trump out is because he makes it embarrassing to admit i’m american during my extensive travels abroad. #CoastalEliteTweet

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before you criticize, remember that liberal celebrities are responsible for every good thing you’ve ever watched. #CoastalEliteTweet

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i get that you think trump is the best president, but you also think the cheesecake factory is the best restaurant, so your vote shouldn’t count. #CoastalEliteTweet

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my attractive rich friends and i are trying to pay for your diabetes medication. just shut up and let it happen, you ignorant dipshits!! #CoastalEliteTweet

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republicans love it when us attractive hollywood types lose our minds over trump, but remember that only lasts about 30 minutes a day and then we go back to our much better lives. but enjoy driving around honking, you simpletons. #CoastalEliteTweet

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complain all you want about us a-list celebs cramming our political opinions down your throat, but we only do it because we’re so much better, smarter, thinner and more attractive than you. #CoastalEliteTweet

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did you know it only costs $500,000 in real estate to get a european passport? the tough decision is french countryside or the coast of spain? or do what i did and choose both! #CoastalEliteTweet

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if you hear us celebrities say we’re leaving the country if trump wins, it just means we will be using one of our european investment properties more often. #CoastalEliteTweet

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Quoted @MickyArison

So proud of this @MiamiHEAT team. #HeatNation the future is bright.

so fun to watch this team! thanks to the #heat for sacrificing so much for our enjoyment. 3 months in orlando is literal torture!!

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the super sad #tosh premiere we shot back in march before the world went to shit airs tomorrow. you’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll see pictures of your dead dogs. enjoy what many are calling tv’s most emotional moment ever. #seasonofmourning #castroisdead

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has anyone asked trump to quit nicely?

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