Leaving Safety
By moonflower | July 18, 2008
I find myself in the middle of an unknown patch of life, and I instinctively know I am not safe.
One of them asks aloud, “is this really happening”?
Another one answers, “no, it’s just another psychotic moment she’s having”.
I respond with, “I cannot be sure”.
The faces around me are familiar.
Their smiles are not.
Are those jagged teeth I see behind their veiled, semi-friendly smiles?
I begin to wonder how quickly my flesh will be ripped apart, once again and fed to the monsters.
“Not again”, one of the voices whispers.
“You may as well go ahead and prepare yourself, it’s really happening. Again.”
“Oh God, please not again”.
The walls slide up as if out of nowhere and enclose me. I hear them chanting as they dance around the outside of the wall.
“The time is now”, they chant over and over.
The time is now.
Topics: anxiety, moonflower | 1 Comment »
We’ve all heard it before
By saviabella | July 17, 2008
Liz Spikol posted a very awesome video about depression advice over at her blog yesterday. It makes light of that oh-too-familiar advice that we get from well-meaning people who have no clue what it’s like to be depressed.
If only laughter really were the best medicine. For now, I’m sticking with my Celexa.
I’ve been told to “snap out of it”, to turn up some music and dance around my living room, and to quit taking things so seriously by people who couldn’t understand why I was debilitatingly depressed or anxious.
They meant well, but they had no idea what they were dealing with because they have never experienced it. Their advice only served to make me feel like more of a failure because I was unable to control something they thought was so easy to solve. It made the gulf between me and what was “normal” even wider.
What’s the worst, most ignorant, or most insulting advice you’ve ever gotten from someone in regards to your mental illness?
Topics: anxiety, bipolar, depression, meds, saviabella | 12 Comments »
Forgetting my madeleine
By bipolarlawyer | July 14, 2008
After you’ve been taking, and alternating among, the different psychoactive drugs for a while, you forget which side effects go with which drugs– and they take you by surprise all over again, when you resume a prior course, abandoned for whatever side effect became intolerable for a time. I’ve been from lamictal to lamictal plus effexor to lithium and back to lamictal again, this time just pushing the lamictal dose and leaving out the SSRI adjuncts, I’ve gone through a hell of a cycle since May ‘05, when I started this medication journey. After two months of titrating up on the lamictal, I am feeling more myself again than I ever did on the lithium. But I’d forgotten the horrible dry mouth, which receded on the lithium. And I’d forgotten the horrible headache I’d get, if I went more than twelve hours between doses. I rediscovered that yesterday, after forgetting my morning dose before leaving the house for day’s worth of activities outside. I’d forgotten the second-day-after-titration inability to form a sentence, or process others’ conversation, while retaining the ability to read, write, and email– but gone the third day, ephemeral as a puff of air.
But those bads are balanced against, outweighed by the goods. I’d forgotten how good the sleep is. I’d forgotten the calmness, the lack of anxiety, the energy to push through and get things done, the mental clarity and ability to concentrate. I’d forgotten contentment, creativity, and spontaneous joking and laughter. And suddenly, I’m remembering as all these things come back. It’s more than la recherche du temps perdus– a remembrance of mental health past– but a recollection, a resumption, a re-tasting of my mental health madeleine, melting on my tongue, filling my senses, not evanescent, but ever-present. At least until the next round of side effects.
Topics: Uncategorized | 4 Comments »
Inpatient vs. outpatient care
By Mr. C | July 12, 2008
Tay asks: “I was wondering if (you) had any insight on inpatient vs. outpatient care specifically with someone suffering from dissociative disorders. what are the pros and cons and (do you) know of any inpatient places that deal with these disorders.”
Mr. C. says, Dissociative disorders often take a lengthy time to heal, making it difficult or impossible to get well on the eight outpatient visits that might be authorized on the average insurance plan. The advantage to going inpatient is that you can often move more quickly through your healing. Another advantage is that you don’t have to go home, be responsible, and function after intense therapy sessions. If you are unable to function effectively in your daily activities (such as having a job, acting the part of parent or spouse, caring for personal hygiene, etc.) consider something more intensive than regular outpatient. There are also levels of care that are in-between standard outpatient care and inpatient care, including intensive outpatient (usually treatment a few hours on most days) and day treatment (treatment all day and staying at night at a place of your choosing). Of course, each of these comes with its own cost, which is a factor to consider also. Inpatient is usually the most costly, as you might guess.
Although I have worked in a state hospital where dissociative disorders were occasionally seen, I don’t have first hand knowledge of inpatient settings that actively focus on these disorders. Even though I can’t recommend any particular program, here are a couple of websites that you might be interested in:
http://bsd.clinicalsocialwork.com/treatmentcenters.html
http://www.networktherapy.com/directory/find_facility.asp
I recommend that you get as much information about a program as possible before signing on the dotted line. Look at their webpages online, and contact someone as well via email or phone. Tour the facility if possible. Find out about their treatment philosophy and see if it sounds like something that would work for you. Ask about their treatment team. It would be important for them to have a psychiatrist on board. Get information about their daily schedule–how much treatment does a person get in a day, and what kind of treatment is it? Find out about cost and if they have scholarships or financial help (if you need it). If you can find anyone that has been to the treatment center, ask them about their experience.
I’m sorry for your suffering and hope that you will find the best treatment possible to relieve it. Best wishes for good healing!
Topics: Uncategorized | No Comments »