Consume By Writer

leahpeah jess marrit jen Schmutzie amanda moonflower belinda anonymous saviabella Mr. C. anonymous


Submissions

We welcome your submissions and questions for Mr. C. Please send them in the body of an email to [leah at leahpeah dot com] with the subject line 'RealMental Submission' or 'RealMental Question for Mr. C.' Please include if you are using your name, a moniker, a link to your blog and if it is a republished piece, a link to the original post. You can also include fresh baked cookies. We like cookies.

Consume By Topic





« its no big deal | Home | All Along The Watchtower »

Dear Owen Wilson

By marrit | August 27, 2007

So I heard they took you in. Don’t worry. It happens.

Not trying to spread gossip, but in case Perez Hilton is right about why you’re there…well, that happens, too. Mental illness happens. And when it happens you work the program and get off suicide watch and get fresh-air break, and eventually you get your shoelaces back and can go home and start over, which is the closest thing this life offers to a miracle.

I can see you as the intense and possibly troubled middle brother. You’re the Dignan.

Plus side: Your family obviously loves you–I met your brothers doing press for The Wendell Baker Story–and I absolutely guarantee you that women find troubled geniuses fascinating, especially if they’re Scorpios with big noses and publicly-documented buttlicking fetishes. I’d hit that.

The drugs are initially constipating, but sometimes straining to excrete is better than wandering around in the wilderness like Margot Kidder. Also watch out for dry mouth. Get some flavored lube for the buttlicking stuff. I can’t lick a stamp anymore. My husband is sad, but at least I’m not a greasy stain under the Highway 183 flyover.

So there you have my advice to you, or to anyone else reading.

add to sk*rt

Topics: depression, marrit, meds |

*Please don't feel picked on. All comments go straight to moderation. This in no way reflects our feelings towards you. We like you! We really, really like you!*

3 Responses to “Dear Owen Wilson”

  1. leahpeah Says:
    August 27th, 2007 at 2:52 pm

    i think owen is going to make it fine. he needs a mental health break and then he’s going to get it together. it’s got to be hard to be him. then again, it’s hard to be anyone. and i second your note regarding the dry mouth. carrying carmex and reusable water bottles in all my favorite colors saved me stress.

  2. moonflower Says:
    August 27th, 2007 at 5:01 pm

    i adore this sentence:

    “..I absolutely guarantee you that women find troubled geniuses fascinating, especially if they’re Scorpios with big noses and publicly-documented buttlicking fetishes. I’d hit that.”

    i’d hit that too, marrit.

  3. Bipolarlawyercook Says:
    September 13th, 2007 at 6:28 pm

    Dear Owen:

    Biotene toothpaste, mouthwash, and dry mouth gum. True love.

    Wishing you well,
    BLC

Comments