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after
By jess | November 7, 2007
When in one single year you are hospitalized twice and attempt suicide once it is difficult for most people to maintain a friendship with you. It is difficult for your husband to maintain a relationship with you. You become a social pariah. It’s not that people don’t care, or don’t want to help. They just don’t know how.
They just don’t get it.
Not that there is much to get. I have been ill. I have not been well. I know that by not being well in such an uncomfortable way i have made it difficult to be friends with me. I find it hard to be friends with myself sometimes. It’s hard to not be angry.
Why did i have to do that? Why do i have to be this way? Why can’t i be a better person. Why do i let everything bother me?
And now. And now it’s been almost five months. I am separated from my husband. I have my own home for the first time ever. I am getting a little better all the time. I’ve even considered lowering the dosage on my medication. I won’t. It’s too soon. I know that. But, the fact that i can even think about that is surely a sign that things are getting a little better.
Topics: jess, she's losing it |
November 7th, 2007 at 8:33 pm
Jess,
Can you share what med you are finally having success with?
hang in there…the fact that you ARE making changes is concrete proof you are going in the right direction:)
November 7th, 2007 at 8:37 pm
Insight and perspective. The hallmarks of the road to wellness. Keep on truckin’.
November 7th, 2007 at 9:31 pm
karly, i take cipralex, which is lexapro in the states, 15mg.
i also take clonazepam as needed.
November 7th, 2007 at 11:17 pm
Jess Your so right,
“they just don’t know how - they just don’t get it”
but hey thats them.
We get it!-
A real friend will see past all your dismay - your crumbled soul, your sorrow, anger, confusion your EXHAUSTION!
We’re your friends_
YOU ARE YOUR FRIEND!
November 8th, 2007 at 9:59 am
i have found that to be true as well, when i am at my worst and need people either they scatter or i cannot bring myself to weigh them down with my “issues”. i often think really hard in my head “where is everyone when i need help?”
November 8th, 2007 at 2:58 pm
Dearest Jess.
So many changes….positive and difficult. Taking the days in stride….getting through it. So tempting to mess with the meds….to “prove” you can go it alone. Don’t just yet though friend. Things are beginning to work again. Let them help you to work.
I do wish I were still on the Island to come and see your new house. And I haven’t given up on you. You don’t give up on you either. You’re doing just fine.