I see myself as scatter-brained but loving. And loved.

If I thought you cared and you were listening, I would tell you I have a bipolar depression and anxiety disorder diagnosis. Sometimes I wonder if the drugs are working, or if it’s a misdiagnosis because I feel pretty good these days. Then I forget to eat or take my meds or I drink too much and I fall down the hole again. Some days I want to do so many things, and others I want to do nothing but sleep. I can’t focus on getting good at one thing, or getting one thing done well. Why can some people manage and lead well but other struggle?

I am struggling with so much distraction. And I eat too much to soothe my anger and frustration. I want to get unstuck and feel untrapped.

Something I have been keeping a secret is how upset it makes me that I don’t have a child, and how I am so frustrated with my husband. I would like to adopt a child but he has said that is a deal breaker. I have examined, at length, why I want a child so much. Is it selfish to want a kid? Is it selfish to not want to raise a child? I’m not right with this. I put on a happy face to make my friends feel comfortable, my husband happy, and my parents satisfied.

I am trying to think positive and something I’m good at is connecting people. And I love learning new things and meeting new people. Pretty simple.

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I see myself as dependent, naive, soft, compassionate, articulate, intelligent, creative, analytical, volatile, short-tempered, flawed, clever, sophisticated, lazy, bored, gifted, artistic, funny, wounded, vulnerable, loving, beautiful, ugly, opinionated, educated, habitual, afraid, strong-willed, tender-hearted, sensitive, precocious, conflicted

If I thought you cared and you were listening, I would tell you i rarely let on the depths to which i am struggling, i am lying when i say i don’t regret the past 6 years because they have made me a better person (though they have), i hate being alone, it really hurts when you tell me that it is my fault that i am in this situation and/or that if i “really wanted to recover” i just would.

I am struggling with anorexia nervosa, which goes back and forth between the two subtypes – purging and non-purging; a body riddled with damage from the eating disorder – including a stomach that barely digests food and a mouth full of veneers to protect the teeth underneath that no longer have any enamel; anxiety; depression; individuating from my family into the 25 year adult i feel pressure to be and guilt for not being; ocd; perfectionism; a dysfunctional family system; limited resources

Something I have been keeping a secret is i have not been gaining weight like i’ve been telling my family; in fact, i am still at 77% of ideal body weight. most likely due to the fact that i drink half of a can of red bull cola during the day and one mixed drink at night. if i eat anything, (which i won’t, at least not before 9 pm) either i purge, or i eat from a very short list of food i feel comfortable consuming – immediately before i go to sleep at night. because it terrifies me to eat at any other time of the day and keep it down.

I am trying to think positive and something I’m good at is i am good at many things. here are some – writing – both original content and copy editing, languages, art, elaborate gift-wrapping, ad copywriting, math, test taking of all varieties – essay, multiple choice, standardized, school in general, articulating myself, helping others with eating disorder recovery, analyzing, instigating, motivating, encouraging, loving

I love my mom, my little sister, my dad, my best friends, laughter, the internet, frozen tropical drinks, new gas stations, staying in hotels, roller coasters, marlboro lights, thrift stores, photo booths and polaroids, catch phrase, scrabble, games in general, receiving emails, text messages, letters and packages, buying random gifts for people i love, wrapping all of the presents at christmas, affirmations, louise hay books… i love so much, i will stop here.

I want people to know more than i can express in this box. let’s pick an easy one – eating disorders are not a choice, a lifestyle, a habit, or a fad. eating disorders are complex, multi-faceted, deep-rooted life-threatening illnesses that arise as a combination of factors – genetic, cultural, experiential, environmental, etc. men and women who suffer from or struggle to recover from eating disorders are not inherently vapid. they are often incredibly intelligent, highly sensitive individuals and many of us want to get better just as much as you tell us to. it’s just hard. really. fucking. hard.

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I see myself as a feminist, a person interested in progress (and sometimes politics), a sister, a friend, and a survivor (and though, I’d prefer a different term for that one, it fits).

If I thought you cared and you were listening, I would tell you how lonely I really am, despite the smile on my face.

I am struggling with self-hatred…Schizophrenia…being an “other” in a world not built for “others”…wanting to do so much that I lack the clear mind required to accomplish…feeling like a failure because I haven’t. finished. college. and I’m 34. years. old. and it’s pathetic.

Something I have been keeping a secret is I hear voices while I’m at work, and no one at work knows.

I am trying to think positive and something I’m good at is keeping a blog (does that count?), taking care of my little apartment and my cat (housework being something I couldn’t manage in the past, for great lengths of time), being a true friend.

I love activism, writing, laughter, and having hope.

I want people to know the world is not a fair or equal playing field for people who live with mental illnesses, but we are still an integral part of this great, big human experiment, with much to offer.

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I see myself as a very fortunate young woman who rarely feels fortunate. A hypocrite who can’t stand hypocrites. A very flawed person, even though my family thinks I’m a perfect angel. Insane or crazy (or just a lazy bitch), instead of mentally ill. Desperate… for too many things to name.

If I thought you cared and you were listening, I would tell you that I really don’t know how to function in life without someone to depend on. I would tell you that I need to love and to be loved, but I’m terrified of putting my heart and health on the line… especially since neither is healed yet.

I am struggling with finding my place in my new environment. I’m looking for a place to fit in, with my new job, my new town, my new state, my new home, my new (lack of) friends.

I am struggling with getting out of bed in the morning.

Something I have been keeping a secret is that even though I often talk about the pain this last year has brought me and how ashamed I am of myself, I think I would do it all the same if given the opportunity.

I am trying to think positive and something I’m good at is keeping a clear head during pressured situations — others’ and my own, interestingly enough.

I love almost nothing these days. I find little pleasure in anything. I seem to love what brings me the most pain. Not intentionally, of course.

I want people to know that even though I feel so terrible, I still have the tiniest flicker of hope at something better.

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I see myself as very confused. Hopefully that’s because I’m too smart for my own good.

If I thought you cared and you were listening, I would tell you how badly I need someone to understand me and help me to figure myself out because I don’t even know who I am, all I know is pain.

I am struggling with insecurity and control issues that are taking over my relationship and my life.

Something I have been keeping a secret is how sad I really am. If anyone who loved me knew how much I hurt everyday, their hearts would break for me, I know it.

I am trying to think positive and something I’m good at is, oddly enough, I’m great at giving others advice. I just cant step back and recognize my own problems as they are so I can change them.

I love my daughter, my boyfriend, my cat, and my family more than anything in the world.

I want people to know that not everyone who looks good on the outside feels good inside. The people you might consider attractive and strive to look like might be more insecure than you ever imagined.

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I see myself as a very fortunate survivor of cancer, chronic illness, severe depression, and two suicide attempts.

If I thought you cared and you were listening, I would tell you that there is truly a reason for everything and all that is meant to happen will come to pass when the timing is right… so cliche I know, but true.

I am struggling with my boyfriend’s bipolar disorder and how it affects him and us. I am recovering from a major surgery and struggle with the physical scars my illnesses have left on my body. I also struggle with shame and guilt over my past.

Something I have been keeping a secret is I am a victim of incest, hence the shame and guilt.

I am trying to think positive and something I’m good at is helping other people believe they have a purpose.

I love me (I try to anyway), my boyfriend, family, and friends.

I want people to know that life can seem terribly dark at times but the sun continues to rise each day whether you get out of bed or not. If you don’t get up and get going you just may miss something wonderful and regret the lapse in resilience.

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I see myself as I don’t see myself when I look in the mirror, I see what I’m supposed to be.

If I thought you cared and you were listening, I would tell you Death is easy, Life is hard, don’t waste a second and DON’T TAKE THE COWARDS WAY OUT!

I am struggling with My progressing Bipolar disorder is destroying my relationship with my friends, girlfriend, & my own family.

I don’t understand what it is like to be happy anymore.

I feel unworthy of love, friendship, and everything else that I am so blessed to have.

Something I have been keeping a secret is I often fantasize about killing myself and how much better off everyone would be without me.

I am trying to think positive and something I’m good at is I am good at making other people happy. I thrive on the fact that if I can’t be happy someone else can.

I love Almost nothing anymore.

I want people to know I do not know you, I have never met you, yet I wish you the best in this crazy endeavorer called life.The

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I see myself as a mom, first and foremost. But I feel like an impostor in someone else’s life. I know I am not a hypocrite at heart, but I can put on a smile all day long, be pleasant and agreeable with strangers and friends alike. But inside I feel inadequate, and like if someone finds out what I am “really” like they are in for a big surprise. I appear perfect and confident, when actually, I get angry and judgmental like everyone else. I am so sad about things from my childhood I can never let go of. The depression and anxiety is still seen by society as “mental illness” that’s taboo…she must be crazy.

If I thought you cared and you were listening, I would tell you I cannot and don’t think I want to ever get over the loss of my mother to suicide when I was 16 yrs old. She was 41. She was so beautiful as a person and I am sure I never really knew her. She was too detached to ever even talk to me. I believe losing her at that age is what more or less defines me as a person. I want to learn more and more about what her life must have been like.

I am struggling with I am selfish in one area that is difficult for many people to understand. You see I attended a walk a year & a half ago for “Out of the Darkness” for survivors of suicide. I understand the concept is so important that society needs to bring mental illness out of the closet. But when I wanted to get involved with support groups, everyone is hell bent on “prevention of suicide”. I have no energy for that. I am interested in “survivors groups.” I want to talk with others like me, that have been “left behind”. When I lost my mother, I lost my father too, so to speak. He went on with his life. Then the crazy games just kept on rolling in. The wicked stepmother, the family that wants to act like she never lived. The siblings that can’t understand why I cant just get over it. I figured out somehow how to be a good mother to my daughters. They love me and we are very close and functional despite all odds. One just graduated college and the other is finishing her freshman year. I have an empty nest, and of course here comes menopause. I’m a mess. I wish I could trust a therapist, it just seems so sad to me to have to pay someone to listen to me. And to put all this burden on a friend, who the few friends I have, have very busy lives. I feel like I am a whiner, and should just shake it off.

Something I have been keeping a secret is too many things, I am afraid to write them. Just suffice it to say my coping skills could be better.

Also, my daughter thinks I am still going to Mass every Sunday, although I cannot bear to go alone. And I can’t stand the priest. And I think many of the parishioners are phonies.

I am trying to think positive and something I’m good at is looking for answers, always trying to find ways to put things in perspective. And hanging on to the concept that everyday we really do get a brand new start. And bad moods really do go away. Even actual depression can be treated with proper care and I am living proof.

I love peace and quiet. My home in the country, feeding and watching the birds. My husband and daughters. Looking through old photo albums, and trunks of memorabilia, (going down memory lane), candles burning, fire in the fireplace, cheesecake.

I want people to know I am still learning my way around the computer, blogs etc..so if you are kind enough to respond to me, do it in a way that’s a no brainer for me. I visit this site often, and love to read what other people write. It helps me not to feel so alone. I know my life isn’t a mess now, its the very old stuff buried way down that has decided not to stay put.

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I see myself as damaged.

If I thought you cared and you were listening, I would tell you I’m conflicted.

I am struggling with self identity and self worth.

Something I have been keeping a secret is my true feelings about lovelessness.

I am trying to think positive and something I’m good at is swallowing pain and soothing myself.

I love cats.

I want people to know I’m surviving.

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I see myself as almost see-through.

If I thought you cared and you were listening, I would tell you that I’m scared.

I am struggling with everything. Absolutely everything.

Something I have been keeping a secret is I’m not sure how I’m going to keep going through life.

I love when the day is warm and you can smell the warmth in the breeze.

I want people to know smile at someone today.

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