Who You Are – Laura
People call me/I call myself Laura.
I see myself as scatter-brained but loving. And loved.
If I thought you cared and you were listening, I would tell you I have a bipolar depression and anxiety disorder diagnosis. Sometimes I wonder if the drugs are working, or if it’s a misdiagnosis because I feel pretty good these days. Then I forget to eat or take my meds or I drink too much and I fall down the hole again. Some days I want to do so many things, and others I want to do nothing but sleep. I can’t focus on getting good at one thing, or getting one thing done well. Why can some people manage and lead well but other struggle?
I am struggling with so much distraction. And I eat too much to soothe my anger and frustration. I want to get unstuck and feel untrapped.
Something I have been keeping a secret is how upset it makes me that I don’t have a child, and how I am so frustrated with my husband. I would like to adopt a child but he has said that is a deal breaker. I have examined, at length, why I want a child so much. Is it selfish to want a kid? Is it selfish to not want to raise a child? I’m not right with this. I put on a happy face to make my friends feel comfortable, my husband happy, and my parents satisfied.
I am trying to think positive and something I’m good at is connecting people. And I love learning new things and meeting new people. Pretty simple.
February 4th, 2010 at 12:39 pm
Hi Laura.
Sounds like we are going through a lot of the same things. I get it. Keep getting up and keep going, as you know it gets better.
Who would have thought it could be this hard to find middle ground.