Comments on: Premature Evacuation

By: Derora Noo

Derora Noo — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 20:36:37 +0000

Muriel–Ugh that sounds really overwhelming if your mom ends up getting hurt inadvertently. Sending you good vibes for the holidays so that you have the strength to come through it okay. :-)

Peeved M–They really are. I’m so out of the woods. It’s still challenging, but these posts are really helping me so much. And I appreciate the responses. :-) Here’s to finally meeting in 2010!

Kate–Isn’t that so funny? Like it had never occurred to me that walking away was an option. Unbelievable. And I agree–I’m very much in favor of looking at the seasons as natural cycles not just for the earth but for us as well. I even look at the dark of the moon each month as a time to be a little quieter.

By: Kate T.W.

Kate T.W. — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 10:09:05 +0000

Laughing about the “I’m going for a walk” light bulb moment. That’s happened to me, too. I think it would still be good for me to practice it in the mirror before heading to family for Christmas.
This is the darkest time of the year, too, for the Northern Hemisphere, and besides the chemical effects of not getting enough sun, I think that it triggers sensitive people to get in touch with their darkness. That thought makes me feel compassionate about mine, anyway.

By: Peeved Michelle

Peeved Michelle — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 21:34:57 +0000

I like reading your posts here. It makes me glad for you that things are so much better than they had been and are continuing to get better.

By: Muriel

Muriel — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 21:06:28 +0000

I go through the same defending myself with my brother. There’s a lot of shit there that he won’t talk about, but that he is happy to take out on me… And, the shit thing is, when I stand up for myself my Mom gets hurt in the process. I get hurt in the process. My brother’s behavior stays exactly the same.

I love the holidays, but I dread seeing him. I wish we could go back to when we were kids and best friends before all this violence and mental illness pulled us apart. Meh.

But exceptionally good post. Thank you for sharing. (And, living in the Bay Area, I hate tourons, too!! Assholes.)

By: Derora Noo

Derora Noo — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 20:01:34 +0000

There really is something to the idea of anniversary grief. When things cycle back around to a time when you experienced something traumatic, it’s like everything gets triggered again. Hard to stop the cycle.

I do think that finding your voice, finding the ability to say, “Hey, this isn’t right or fair,” is a right that each of us has, but that can feel risky to exercise. I remember when one of my therapists suggested that the next time my mother came at me, I should just say I was going for a walk. The suggestion blew me away because I had never considered it.

Thanks for reading and for sharing.

By: AnotherChanceToGetItRight

AnotherChanceToGetItRight — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 16:31:28 +0000

This was all excellent–I’ve been hashing out with my best friend all the reasons why Thanksgiving through New Year’s Day make me uneasy. Not because of family, but because that was when I was most off my axis three years ago. It still doesn’t feel right.

But, moreover, I especially liked this:
“It’s my job to defend myself, though it’s still new and difficult—it feels like I’m not allowed…”

Of all the things I struggle with, I struggle most with giving myself a voice. But thank you for reminding me that it’s my job to defend myself, just like it is yours.