Being Human
July 30th, 2010One of the definitions of betrayal is, “to disappoint the hopes or expectations of; be disloyal to: to betray one’s friends.”
There are certain people in your life that you just assume won’t betray you. A family member, an old friend, your parents, pick your confidant.
As I listened to you talking about me like I wasn’t even there, I felt sick to my stomach. I wanted to run but I had no where to run to.
The things you said, they hurt my heart.
I wanted to trust you, I wanted to believe that you wouldn’t betray that trust.
I talked to my therapist about it, he said the fact that I got sick to my stomach was a sign that I’ve grown. That most healthy people would be sickened by your behavior.
In the past I would’ve just overlooked it. Kind of like ignoring the proverbial elephant in the room. I learned that skill from being sexually abused, it’s a survival mechanism and came in handy.
The only way for me to get around what happened is to believe you are a very sick person. I hold no resentment, no contempt.
It’s one of those really hard lessons that you only need to learn once, that I am unable to trust you with intimate pieces of my life.
For your own good, for my own good your secret is safe with me, along with all the others. I won’t declare revenge and threaten you with my insider information. That would not serve anyone, but mostly I have no desire to do that.
I’m taking that as another sign I’ve made progress on this whole being human thing.
